I have taken a break…from virtually everything. Motivation has been lost. Writer’s block has been prevalent and almost a constant fixture in my life. Love has been its ever eluding self. No surprises in any faction or aspect of my life, though strangely nothing has been predictable either. And as sad or as somber as my life may appear in words, the actual living it all through has been pure joy and unadulterated bliss.
I have realized that I am a writer that needs conflict and/or drama in order to write something of substance. Not having drama is a good thing to brag about until you realize that it’s the core for your passion. Passion is nothing without cause or provocation.
I am lost. I see the finish line, yet I can’t find the path or means to get there. I’m sitting on thoughts, upon thoughts, upon thoughts as well as an unfinished book, a 1/2 written sitcom script and Lord knows what else. The potential (to be great) is there but the follow through and application of said literary works aren’t coming together or rather I’m not working on bridging the gap towards completion.
Would it be sad to say that even this very post began on 7/6/2011 and it is now 7/15/2011 and these mere paragraphs are all that I have managed to scribble down in 9 whole days. The literary scholar that was within ME would have churned this simple task out in a matter of 3 minutes, the new unmotivated and unchallenged ME has turned this into a laborious chore and painful task. **to my credit, I have proof read this simple entry numerous times often re-writing the simplest of sentences…to my chagrin, I once vowed that my blog would be the one place where grammatical errors were welcomed and could remain---the perfectionist in me has killed even that notion.**
Perfectionism. Mmmmm, could that be the very reason why my writing has taken such a backseat to whatever else is in my life? Probably not, but in a world ready for excuses and reasons, I’ll gladly use my desire to be perfect as the scapegoat. Yes, kids, I have not been chained to my trust netbook keyboard simply because I do not want to vile the perfect image of a great writer that you have all painted of me in your thoughts.
So fret not, my seedlings, I will one day return to you in true literary valor to regain and reclaim my once heralded title (and image) of a great writer but until then I give you this shitty entry to tide you over.
~fin
