I thought water wasn’t supposed to burn.

 

Tomorrow marks 9 years since I last saw you….9 years since I last had the chance to say anything directly to you. I wish things between us hadn’t ended on such a sad, such a bad, such a sour note. You were my super hero, the untouchable, unstoppable being from another planet in the guise of a 5’2’’ 120 lb., human. You showed me love unconditionally, you showered me with love even during my rebellious stage. I remember your constant practical jokes (as corny as many of them seemed to my teenage self), your sing songy voice where you held onto the last possible syllable of each spoken word. I miss the way you when you were mad that your favorite phrase suddenly became “Negro, please”.  You loved me when I wasn’t loving myself. You were the first one I knew how to love.

I miss you, Anita.

I love you ma.

Always,

your son,

Robert

R.I.P Anita S. Mabry (8/23/1949 – 4/29/2002)

Caren

I’m unhappy and I miss the sh*t we used to do © D’Angelo. “One Mo’gin”

I remember the very day that our relationship ended, I was a wild child having just turned 20 years old some weeks prior to the fateful day of our demise. You, being almost 5 years older than me happened to be more logical, calmer and just sensible about the whole thing. You tried to tell me to just slow down, take a break and realize what I was attempting to do at the moment. Bullheaded, I simply shut the door and never came back. I was hurt. And with my hurt I just wanted to hurt those around me. I never apologized nor explained my actions and for some reason I’m still troubled by the lack of not doing so. Nothing pains me more than your last words of “no one will love you more than me”. Sadly, 15 years later, I believe that you’re right. No one has and it’s likely that no one ever will.

I think I know that I saw you yesterday. One doesn’t forget a face as pretty as yours. I could tell that it was you simply because of the way you looked my way as if to say “Is that HIM?” but neither of us spoke as we both had our kids in tow. But the long gazing look on your face as neither of us broke eye contact, let me know that I was looking at a familiar face, a long lost friend, an unrequited lost love.

I write this to say that I learned a lot in the year or so that we were together. I learned that if you’re truly in love that one shouldn’t allow the views of the outside world to come in between your union with that person. I knew what you did, and I knew why you did it but for some reason when my boys found out that you were dancing, it no longer seemed okay for you to do. I was ashamed. You weren’t trapped into the allure of the exotic dancing world, you weere simply trying to make ends meet and I knew that.{I couldn’t accept it at that very moment but I knew that was your reasoning behind it all} But I let my immaturity, combined with the ribbing of my friends damage what we had. I look back at all the silly things that we used to do…the late night trips to Walmart, the dancing in the kitchen, the 4 hour games of Uno and I realize that hell we had so much fun that your didn’t even dance *that* much. And I let muhphuckas talk me out of it. Silly of me, huh?

I’m sure by now you’re the accountant that you desired to be. I mean that was the only reason you were dancing anyway to put yourself through school. We were supposed to be Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis. Long lasting and forever. I’ll admit that I through it all away over a few jokes and a few moments of damaged pride. I’m sorry and I hope that in the 15 years that has transpired since our last interaction that you’ve found solace and happiness and if not*…

*I wont even write the rest

~fin

An Open Letter...

To whomever feels this might apply,

Please find joy and solace in knowing that you'll never hear from me again. We've played this tiresome game of cat and mouse long enough and I quit.

I cast my buckets where I stand.

I'm single and I'm okay with that.

Really and you should be too.

Thanks for the good times, the aggravation, and the constant feeling of not knowing what was next for us.

Close the door behind you.

LOVE IS...

Love is a Haunting Emotion. A bleeding and broken heart eVentually scabs and hEals but the resulting scar and memory of past pain habitually liNgers for years to come.

Reality is a nightmare…

 

This morning I woke up with a smile on my face. I had a dream about you. I had a dream about me. I had a dream about us. We did everything happy couples talk about. We kept house, we held hands, we dated….we made love. Read it again. WE MADE LOVE. We didn’t just have sex, we didn’t just f*ck, I didn’t just knock the dust off that thing. Everything that we did was slow and deliberate. Everything was purposeful. We held each other. We talked. We laughed. We ate breakfast with the kids. All was how it’s supposed to be when the cameras are on Bill and Claire (Huxtable). That’s who we were. That moment belonged to just you and I. We were Martin and Gina, George and Weezy, Martin and Coretta. Only better.

Sadly, fairy tales don’t always come true © Guy. And dreams don’t last forever. I have never been so angered to be awaken.Never ,have I, been so upset that I couldn’t go back into the blissful deep slumber of moments before. *If I’m dreaming…then just let me sleep! Don’t wake me up until my dream is complete © Christopher Williams*

I sent you a text to tell you about the dream….and your response reminded me of  exactly why we no longer interact with one another.

Take care fairweather friend.

~fin

Convo's with my Uncle...

Muhphucka, just because the sun is shining don't mean she ain't out ho'ing. Keep acting like the stars stop shining during day light hours. Now she might not be ho'ing right now but she got them loose tendencies. Best to find you one of them good girls who ain't all online on that facebook mess.

She light skinned ain't she? You young bucks always got'cha nose wide open for one of them piss colored broads. That's how ya grand daddy got caught up with ya grand momma.Same thing happened to the rest of my brothers. Light near white. Learn from me boy, leave them girlsssssssssssss (he said it with emphasis) alone.

*I swear this was the conversation I just had with my uncle word for effin' word*

I love ol'heads (to death).